Frankly I don’t know where to start. Will I begin with the first time I learned I am pregnant with you or the current status of you becoming a full pledge woman or adult? Or the actual score between me and your father. I wanted to tell you everything but I’m afraid to see the reaction coming from you. Yes, afraid that I might see disappointment in your eyes.
I hope someday you’d understand that Mommy can’t give you everything but am willing to sacrifice everything for your happiness. I’m afraid because I can’t help but notice that you’ve inherited one of my traits as a young me, the character of being independent.
I wanted to tell you that I am here always, watching you even in your sleep. You just don’t know how I love watching you from afar minding your own little things. I long for those days when you still need my help. Those times when you wanted something badly you would hug me and kiss me too sweetly so I can get it for you. Or that event when you were in that public playground and one of the kids kick you out of the portable slide, I saw you sniff proof that you are about to cry. You were around 3 or 4 years old that time.
Do you remember what I told you?
“Don’t you dare cry! Get back on that slide and don’t let that kid bully you!” I said
You looked up and through misty eyes you saw the silent reassurance in my eyes that says:
“Mommy is here don’t be afraid for I will protect you” and so you ran back and make friends with the other kids on the playground.
I still wanted to hug you in public but afraid you would back away because your classmates would see you. I would still want to bring you and be my company whenever I have a reunion with college friends or long lost friends who have just returned from abroad but I know you would be bored to death. And I know you have different set of friends now you would want to mingle with than be with older ladies chatting noisily.
Yesterday you texted me that you’ve already had your period, that struck me that you are no longer the cute little girl I used to tag along whenever I want. That you already are someone with set mind of your own.
I wish I could stop the time but that would be selfishness on my part. What I want is for you to explore the world and discover the thrill along the way.
You are about to enter the life of adulthood.
There may be episodes or instances that you think you can’t handle. Or some things you think are not working on your best interest. Whatever that thing is I just want you to remember that I am here to give you comfort and encouragement whenever you need them.
That I will still protect that young little girl I used to call my princess…