Whenever my best friend and I talked about things in our life, about the problems that comes in our way, she always tells me that I am her model. I am her criteria in judgement and before making a decision. For example, if her subordinates got ill or is sick because of pregnancy related, she always think that “My friend have never been ill during her pregnancy period and have never experience that kind of sickness” or when we learned that our common friend has a problem with her husband she would look at me as if saying “My friend didn’t cry a river when her husband left. She faced it like a pro”.
And just recently we’ve talked about her lovelife, her family…
She envied me for being brave when it comes to facing such problems. In her eyes I can cope up with any kind of problem. This is not the first time she told me that. And every time we talked like this, I always correct her. I would always tell her that I am not brave… I am not a Gabriela Silang reincarnation. I am not superwoman of the new generation.
“How come you can still smile and handle it (problem) with a shrug” My friend continues to keep on saying.
I told her, it’s because that is me. That is my nature. I don’t dwell on the problem for long. I will not make a fuss on something that is beyond my power. I will not make an issue out of nothing. Problems are everywhere, it’s how you act that changes everything. I will not stop all my daily activities just because I have a huge obstacle behind me. The important thing is how I do in the present situation.
All I think right now is how are we going to survive the trials that come today, not the future and certainly not the past. The example I have given her is my daughters’ education. I said “I think of Carla’s education today. She is in high school now, I will not yet entertain the possibility of an obstacle if ever she has decided what kind of profession she is willing to undergo 4 to 6 years from now. All I’m focused on is how I can pay for her high school finances and not her college education.
Let the problem takes its course one at a time.
On my friends’ view I am brave, fearless, but for me it’s not like that. Its acceptance. I have succeeded the struggles of being separated to my husband because I have accepted the truth that he and I can never live on the same roof. I have accepted that he has left me and my children. I have accepted the fact that my husband does not love me the way I thought he did. If I don’t have acceptance, I would feel pity on myself, I will have done something that will damage the image I have now.
Because by accepting, I have learned to move on…
I don’t call it bravery or fearlessness.
I guess the proper word would be tough and strong…
Let me end this by posting some lines from one of my favorite song “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson because I think I am what the lyrics says.
You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want
You think you got the best of me
Think you’ve had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I’d come running back
Baby you don’t know me, cause you’re dead wrong
You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on, over you
You didn’t think that I’d come back
I’d come back swinging
You try to break me, but you see
Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I’m not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I’m finally thinking about me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over cause you’re gone